Do I Really Like This, or Just Think It's Good For Me ?

Talking about Complete Cello Concertos by Krzysztof Penderecki. Sinfonia Varsovia conducted by the composer, with soloist Arto Noras. I have several cd's of contemporary classical music and have to admit that the above question occurs to me from time to time. I struggle to get a handle on the form and structure and wonder if there is an element of the emperor's new clothes but then pieces suddenly illuminate for me. I am also aware that expert and accomplished musicians are heavily committed to the field. These particular pieces are no longer exactly contemporary anyway, ranging from forty to twenty five years in age. Cello concertos numbers 1 and 2 and a viola concerto arranged for cello. Oddly, the more recent of the pieces sound less "out there" and are more accessible. It does all seem unremittingly earnest though.